The other day I told my trainer I miss food. I miss the textures, the taste, the blissful ignorance of not caring how many calories or what the nutritional factors were (such as carbs/protein/fat). I totally take that back. Right. So it's confession time. I have read all the articles I could get a hold of on holiday eating. Everyone had such helpful tips:
1. Eat a healthy snack before going to the holiday party you are attending so you don't over eat.
2. Make sure when you leave for the party you're not empty-handed. Keep your hands full with holding a purse, camera, cell phone . . . anything that will keep you from holding food or a drink—unless it's water.
3. When you do eat at the gathering, grab a small plate; think small portions; and once you have your plate of food, stay far away from the table of temptation.
4. Politely say no to taking home any of the left overs.
5. Stay hydrated with water - alcholic drinks and sodas make you more thirsty and dehydrate you at the same time.
And for the most part - I've done fairly good. Haven't been as strict as I was in November, but on the most part I've maintained my weight. So while I'm still trying to lose weight it's not the best thing, but at least I haven't gained weight. I ate smarter breakfasts and snacks on the Monday I had my cheese enchiladas with queso sauce cause it was full of fat. I thought I'd had so many sweets last Saturday that I could go for at least a month without sweets. And then today hit. I got bored so I stopped at Taco Bell on the way home. I got the fresco bean burrito - won't do that again. They are 350 calories each. Apparently the 150 calorie meal is the chicken tacos. And then, I checked the time yesterday and I really thought it said the Christmas Eve service started at 7 so I get to church at 6:50 and turns out that the service started at 6. I was so embarassed. And feeling sorry for myself....so I go home and eat and eat and eat. Now I'm sitting here watching Muppets Christmas Carol with a belly ache and feeling nauseous. So I just have to get that self-control back and buckle down to get serious about eating healthy again.
I was reading my journal and came across some notes I took when I read Never Say Diet by Chantel Hobbs. She lost 200 pounds the hard way - diet and exercise. She knows exactly how I feel and my way of thinking - food and exercise wise. Another admission - I am human. I like to hear how good I look. I like to hear how good I am doing. I'm sorry. I'm human. It's a good ego boost. But on the flip side I then feel all this pressure not to fail. Every day I'm afraid I'll fail my trainer, my friends, my family, and even myself. So rather than sit here and beat myself up, I'm going to share my New Year's resolutions early. I mentioned Chantel Hobbs book because she shares 10 things you have to understand before you can change and my goal is to remember them:
1. Overeating isn't just emotional - you have to understand the emotional baggage.
2. Some of us are rigged differently.
3. The snares of the fat trap are laid early.
4. Society is not going to help.
5. Lying to yourself doesn't help.
6. Understanding nutrition will help.
7. Don't look to others for praise.
8. Don't buy your old excuses.
9. Don't wait for a sign.
10. Recognize that this is a spiritual battle. Nobody is meant to live an unhealthy life. The disconnect between the life we're living and the person we know we were meant to be can keep us from feeling close to God.
So my 2011 resolutions:
1. I will not set myself up for failure. I'll take baby steps. One step at a time. One day at a time. One success at a time.
2. I will remember that great accomplishments require great sacrifice - nothing worthwile is easy.
3. I will be hungry. My body doesn't need the calories but it thinks it does. I will keep eating small, more frequent, and healthy meals. I will remember when the hunger signal gets strong and I learn to ignore it, I am developing the skill of self-control. I will embrace the will power challenges when they occur because they are helping me forge unbreakable habits.
4. I don't have to be Wonder Woman. I just need to be the me God made me to be.
5. I will remember that I am blessed to be alive, and not being active shows a lack of gratitude for the gift of life. The pain of regret is far worse than the pain of discipline.
6. I will be less hard on myself. I will take time to celebrate my accomplishments without focusing on my stumbles or set-backs. Because they will happen. God will be with me every step of the way. He never quits, and He never loses. If I ever feel like I don't have the strength to continue, I will always find strength in God. He holds all the power for me to succeed in my new life, and He will give it to me every time I ask.
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." James 1:2-3
Friday, December 24, 2010
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
One year results
So today was my one year anniversary for working with a trainer. The final results? 114.5 (yes, the .5 totally counts!) and a total of 69.25 (again, yes, the .25 totally counts!) inches are gone!! So lately I've been worried about what my month results were going to be bad since I have a new trainer and new workout routines. So I didn't really think I had lost that much - turns out I lost 10.5 pounds and 10.5 inches this month. What are the odds of those being the same number? But anyway. All day I've been thinking of what I have learned this year and in no particular order here goes:
1. You won't die from doing cardio, cycle class gets easier when you find the right seat height, and kickboxing class is my favorite class.
2. Learning about nutrition and how it works within your body really does make it easier to eat healthy.
3. Treating yourself once in a while doesn't hurt.
4. There is no reason to beat yourself up for treating yourself once in a while.
5. Listening to music with a beat makes cardio sooooo much better.
6. Make friends with a really good hair stylist! Not really weight loss related, but let's face it ladies, on a good hair day, who cares what you eat or if aren't a perfect size 2?
7. It's ok for clothes to touch your skin! The big baggy clothes you think are hiding you from people judging you are really only making you look bigger than what you really are.
8. Watch less tv. Or switch to dvds. Because you don't realize that every other commercial is a food commercial until you aren't eating fast food.
9. Your tummy gets used to eating healthy. So while your brain may be screaming that it's craving fried food, your tummy will reject it.
10. Being able to look at yourself in the mirror and like what you see is worth all the hours in the gym, the sore muscles, and eating plain boring healthy food.
So those are the top ten things I've learned. I've learned much more, but it's hard to put it all into one blog.
1. You won't die from doing cardio, cycle class gets easier when you find the right seat height, and kickboxing class is my favorite class.
2. Learning about nutrition and how it works within your body really does make it easier to eat healthy.
3. Treating yourself once in a while doesn't hurt.
4. There is no reason to beat yourself up for treating yourself once in a while.
5. Listening to music with a beat makes cardio sooooo much better.
6. Make friends with a really good hair stylist! Not really weight loss related, but let's face it ladies, on a good hair day, who cares what you eat or if aren't a perfect size 2?
7. It's ok for clothes to touch your skin! The big baggy clothes you think are hiding you from people judging you are really only making you look bigger than what you really are.
8. Watch less tv. Or switch to dvds. Because you don't realize that every other commercial is a food commercial until you aren't eating fast food.
9. Your tummy gets used to eating healthy. So while your brain may be screaming that it's craving fried food, your tummy will reject it.
10. Being able to look at yourself in the mirror and like what you see is worth all the hours in the gym, the sore muscles, and eating plain boring healthy food.
So those are the top ten things I've learned. I've learned much more, but it's hard to put it all into one blog.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Who am I?
I am a daughter of the King of Kings. I am bought with a price: I belong to Him. I am a friend of Jesus Christ. I am justified in Him. I am united with the Lord; one with Him in spirit. I am united with the Lord. I have been chosen by God and adopted as His child. I am a member of Christ's body. I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins. I am complete in Christ. I am free from condemnation. I know that God works for my good in all circumstances. I cannot be separated from the love of God. I have been established, sealed, and anointed by God. I am hidden with Christ in God. I am confident that God will complete the good work He started in me. I am an alien: a citizen of Heaven. I have not been given a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind. I am born of God and satan cannot touch me. I am a branch of Jesus Christ, the True Vine, and a channel of His life. I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit. I am God's temple. I am seated with Jesus Christ in the heavenly realms. I am God's workmanship. I may approach God with freedom and confidence. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!
Sometimes it's easy to lose sight, to lose touch, and to just plain forget because who we are because of today's fast paced world. Or maybe there is a life changing experience we are going through. Or maybe we set our eyes on a goal instead of the One who gave us the goal and enabled us to reach it. I just wanted to remind myself and everyone else that we should be who God made us to be, not who the world wants us to be.
For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago. ~ Ephesians 2:10
Sometimes it's easy to lose sight, to lose touch, and to just plain forget because who we are because of today's fast paced world. Or maybe there is a life changing experience we are going through. Or maybe we set our eyes on a goal instead of the One who gave us the goal and enabled us to reach it. I just wanted to remind myself and everyone else that we should be who God made us to be, not who the world wants us to be.
For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago. ~ Ephesians 2:10
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Time magazine article "Why Exercise Won't Make You Thin"
Ok. So I saw a Time magaine in the break room that on the cover said "THE MYTH ABOUT EXERCISE". So I pick it up thinking maybe it has work out tips, cardio tips, form tips, etc. Cause I love to read and even though I have a trainer, I figure the more tips the better. Then I open the magazine and the actual article is titled "Why Exercise Won't Make You Thin". And I'm actually surprised. It's 4 pages of this guy ranting about how exercise really isn't that good for you. Why you won't lose weight, you'll gain weight, and how instead of maintaining his weight, if he didn't exercise he would probably lose the weight (and yet he still goes to the gym to do cardio, takes exercise classes, and pays a personal trainer.....hmmm....not very logical to me but go figure).
His argument - get this - is that exercising makes you hungry. So you eat more. So you gain weight instead of losing weight. Direct quote "The basic problem is that while it's true that exercise burns calories and that you must burn calories to lose weight, exercise has another effect: it can stimulate hunger. That causes us to eat more, which in turn can negate the weight loss benefits we just accrued. Exercise, in other words, isn't necessarily helping us lose weight. It may even make it harder."
I KNOW!!! Can you believe it?! I was totally speechless for like 5 minutes and - as most of you know - me speechless is kinda hard to accomplish. So this John Cloud of Time magazine is telling me that this year in the gym and 104 pounds lost was a figment of my imagination?! Cause if so, my imagination is truly awesome cause that was some painful imagination let me tell you.
I will give him this - there are days I am ravenous after a hard workout. So I go home, and eat healthy. Grab some fruit, drink a protein shake, eat a protein bar - not all three at the same time - but you get the point. I eat more of healthy stuff and don't swing by the Cane's next to the gym (whoever put that there is EVIL) and get fried food. Because it is so a combination of both eating right and exercising. You can't tell me otherwise. I'll probably post another blog on December 7 (since it will have been exactly a year of me going to the gym) with my weight and inch loss total - it was going to be a surprise but I wanted people to see that if I can do this thing, anyone can do this thing - and I should probably email it to this John Cloud quack to prove he is wrong!!! But you know what? For some insane reason there is a flip side - there are days I am just not hungry and have to remind myself to eat something. So it kind of evens itself out.
Sorry. Might have been more rant than blog. But it kind of ticks me off that someone will read the magazine article and think they don't have to exercise to get healthy. It's like the people that prey on the couch crowd with their ab-belts that work more muscles than sit ups or crunches and give you the 12 pack stomach by just wearing them because the belt does the work for you. Try telling your trainer you are getting one of those instead of doing said situps or crunches and see how far that gets you. Or you can get tone, sleek arms from that stupid bounce stick thing that you shake and for 2 minutes a day, you too can have sleeve-less worthy arms.
Is eating healthy easy? NO. Is it fun, exciting, and flavor-ful? NO. Are there times you're going to slip and eat junk? Oh YEAH. But as one of my friends reminded me - I've been eating badly for 30 years. Now I've been trying to eat healthy for 11 months. Which habit is a little bit stronger? But you know what? Honestly, you have to treat yourself once in a while - and a little treat don't go all crazy - and decide I'm not going to feel guilty about this. I, for one, am already eyeing some homemade caramel at my aunt's house for Thanksgiving tomorrow. Limiting myself to one or two pieces.
You know that stupid saying, "No pain, no gain"? I hate that saying. Someone says it to me and I just want to smack them and ask them "what was that about pain?" But I digress. I would never smack someone. Honest. The saying is kind of true. I feel secretly satisfied when my muscles are sore and achy - it means I did something productive. Of course sometimes I wish they weren't cause I wake myself up at night just rolling over. I can't remember the last time I wasn't a little bit tired. Or sore. But that's not the point. The point is that diet AND exercise are the key to losing weight and reaching then maintaining the healthy lifestyle. That and no more Time magazines for me.
His argument - get this - is that exercising makes you hungry. So you eat more. So you gain weight instead of losing weight. Direct quote "The basic problem is that while it's true that exercise burns calories and that you must burn calories to lose weight, exercise has another effect: it can stimulate hunger. That causes us to eat more, which in turn can negate the weight loss benefits we just accrued. Exercise, in other words, isn't necessarily helping us lose weight. It may even make it harder."
I KNOW!!! Can you believe it?! I was totally speechless for like 5 minutes and - as most of you know - me speechless is kinda hard to accomplish. So this John Cloud of Time magazine is telling me that this year in the gym and 104 pounds lost was a figment of my imagination?! Cause if so, my imagination is truly awesome cause that was some painful imagination let me tell you.
I will give him this - there are days I am ravenous after a hard workout. So I go home, and eat healthy. Grab some fruit, drink a protein shake, eat a protein bar - not all three at the same time - but you get the point. I eat more of healthy stuff and don't swing by the Cane's next to the gym (whoever put that there is EVIL) and get fried food. Because it is so a combination of both eating right and exercising. You can't tell me otherwise. I'll probably post another blog on December 7 (since it will have been exactly a year of me going to the gym) with my weight and inch loss total - it was going to be a surprise but I wanted people to see that if I can do this thing, anyone can do this thing - and I should probably email it to this John Cloud quack to prove he is wrong!!! But you know what? For some insane reason there is a flip side - there are days I am just not hungry and have to remind myself to eat something. So it kind of evens itself out.
Sorry. Might have been more rant than blog. But it kind of ticks me off that someone will read the magazine article and think they don't have to exercise to get healthy. It's like the people that prey on the couch crowd with their ab-belts that work more muscles than sit ups or crunches and give you the 12 pack stomach by just wearing them because the belt does the work for you. Try telling your trainer you are getting one of those instead of doing said situps or crunches and see how far that gets you. Or you can get tone, sleek arms from that stupid bounce stick thing that you shake and for 2 minutes a day, you too can have sleeve-less worthy arms.
Is eating healthy easy? NO. Is it fun, exciting, and flavor-ful? NO. Are there times you're going to slip and eat junk? Oh YEAH. But as one of my friends reminded me - I've been eating badly for 30 years. Now I've been trying to eat healthy for 11 months. Which habit is a little bit stronger? But you know what? Honestly, you have to treat yourself once in a while - and a little treat don't go all crazy - and decide I'm not going to feel guilty about this. I, for one, am already eyeing some homemade caramel at my aunt's house for Thanksgiving tomorrow. Limiting myself to one or two pieces.
You know that stupid saying, "No pain, no gain"? I hate that saying. Someone says it to me and I just want to smack them and ask them "what was that about pain?" But I digress. I would never smack someone. Honest. The saying is kind of true. I feel secretly satisfied when my muscles are sore and achy - it means I did something productive. Of course sometimes I wish they weren't cause I wake myself up at night just rolling over. I can't remember the last time I wasn't a little bit tired. Or sore. But that's not the point. The point is that diet AND exercise are the key to losing weight and reaching then maintaining the healthy lifestyle. That and no more Time magazines for me.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
One week in...
....and I'm ready for it to be finished already!!! Aparently, carbohydrates provide your body with energy. So when you cut down on the carbs it forces your body to dig down and provide it's own energy source - from the fat it has stored for that rainy day. At least that's how I understand that it works. So the first day wasn't too bad actually - I logged my food and the breakdown came back as 50% carbs and 40% protein and 10% fat. So I texted my trainer because while I did indeed increase my protein intake as instructed, it was still a lot of carbs. And sure enough my goal is 20% carbs. So I cut out the banana and the milk. Which makes my total carbohydrate intake about 30%. And the difference was instantaneous! I have much less energy. I think I actually worried my trainer on Friday because I got dizzy and wouldn't talk. I felt bad - I wasn't trying to be rude, honest. I may not be too thrilled with him, but I didn't really talk because I am so tired in the afternoons that I can't form coherent thoughts. So that's what made me switch my protein shake to my morning snack and make tuna my afternoon snack - so I can have solid food before I work out.
And then I might have sort of over compensated by drinking 4 cups of coffee every day - which has made cafeine withdraws fun this weekend. So new goal for next week is one cup a day. Because I can't get let myself get dependent on the cafeine to provide energy. So I'm reminding myself that this is going to make me lose pure body fat - because my body is having to dig deep and use the fat since there are no carbs for it to use. And we'll truck on through the second week. Third week will be fun, because I'm going off for one day for Thanksgiving - with the goal of not going crazy - so this high protein thing will last until the end of November. And then....we'll see what happens. But I know it's going to be good to have one cookie! And it'll be good to see the results of this.
And then I might have sort of over compensated by drinking 4 cups of coffee every day - which has made cafeine withdraws fun this weekend. So new goal for next week is one cup a day. Because I can't get let myself get dependent on the cafeine to provide energy. So I'm reminding myself that this is going to make me lose pure body fat - because my body is having to dig deep and use the fat since there are no carbs for it to use. And we'll truck on through the second week. Third week will be fun, because I'm going off for one day for Thanksgiving - with the goal of not going crazy - so this high protein thing will last until the end of November. And then....we'll see what happens. But I know it's going to be good to have one cookie! And it'll be good to see the results of this.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Never Say Diet
Ok, so I may have mentioned this before, but I hate the word diet. I go on a "diet" and I gain weight because all I can think of is food. So when my new trainer said he wanted me to go on a high protein lower carbohydrate diet for three weeks I agreed because he's my trainer, seems to know what he's talking about, and change is good for your body in the weight loss world. And I have dreaded this ever since. I've been fighting the cravings for anything and everything that I can't eat for the next three weeks. Then today I realized this is probably not the best attitude to go into this adventure with. So I'm going in claiming Mark 9:23 where Jesus says “Everything is possible for one who believes.”
Here is the eating plan for the next three weeks:
Breakfast: 2 packets of instant oatmeal. Plus I get to have my cup of coffee!!! But I had to promise to drink a cup of coffee with a little cream instead of my usual cup of cream with a little coffee.
Morning Snack: banana and a packet of tuna fish (probably with a little time in between since that doesn't sound like a good combo).
Lunch: chicken, fish, or turkey sandwich - wheat bread with mustard, lettuce, tomato and pickles only.
Afternoon snack: protein meal replacement powder in skim milk
Dinner: Chicken, fish or turkey - 6 to 8 oz with a vegetable
Late snack: tuna packet
So the average daily calorie intake is 1100-1200 calories. This will be interesting, but I'm gonna do it!
Here is the eating plan for the next three weeks:
Breakfast: 2 packets of instant oatmeal. Plus I get to have my cup of coffee!!! But I had to promise to drink a cup of coffee with a little cream instead of my usual cup of cream with a little coffee.
Morning Snack: banana and a packet of tuna fish (probably with a little time in between since that doesn't sound like a good combo).
Lunch: chicken, fish, or turkey sandwich - wheat bread with mustard, lettuce, tomato and pickles only.
Afternoon snack: protein meal replacement powder in skim milk
Dinner: Chicken, fish or turkey - 6 to 8 oz with a vegetable
Late snack: tuna packet
So the average daily calorie intake is 1100-1200 calories. This will be interesting, but I'm gonna do it!
Sunday, October 24, 2010
You are not alone
Ok, so I haven't posted much here lately. In case you haven't noticed on facebook - except I'm sure you have because I update my status' far far too often. I've been a little busy this month. This weekend I've been packing up to move apartments. And last weekend I was away because I was priviliged enough to be able to work a weekend with my Heavenly Father. Do you know why I love working Tres Dias weekends? I love it because I love being reminded that my God is a living, breathing, personal God. Who loves us so much that He takes time out of His busy schedule to meet with each of us individually - candidates and workers alike - to sort out our garbage and remind us that He loves us soooo much and He is taking care of us. Last weekend I shut off my cell phone for three days and basked in God's glory and love. And there are no words for that. And - confession time - I ate the campground food. Every morning I had eggs, buscuit and gravy, bacon/sausage, and fruit. I had dessert with every lunch and dinner. I ate the snacks at the tables and I got addicted to the peanuts and candy corn that when combined tase just like a payday - which I just have to say to whoever found that combination and decided to share it with the rest of us - that was very un-christian of you. And I enjoyed it! Now as I prepare to move, I eat the odd combination of foods so that I don't have to move the food to the new place (still not sure why - how hard is it to carry food from one apartment to another?!). Which means my calorie intake has been pretty high. And my time at the gym has been pretty low. So what has happened? The guilt has come in and taken away from my basking in God's joy and love. And the bad part is I let it. But I'm taking that joy back. You know why? Because I should not be ashamed and guilty. That is just a lie that I will not believe anymore. So maybe I didn't lose any pounds this month. Well guess what. That's ok. I'll get back to losing next month. In these past 10 months I have literally lunged and squatted my butt off. I have no butt. Not that you needed to know that about me - the point is I worked hard and am giving my body a little break to catch it's breath. But you know what? I didn't gain any pounds either. That brings me a little relief - it means that I should be able to handle the maintaining stage ok.
I almost made the joke that I can't work any more Tres Dias weekends because everytime I come back from working one I end up with a new trainer. But I won't be giving up these weekends! Even if it means breaking in a new guy. I love working Tres Dias because it is an opportunity for me to nail my worries to the cross and never pick them back up again. It's a chance for me to bond in a way that is never broken with other sisters in Christ. And it's a reminder that we are not alone in this journey. We all stumble, but we all get back up. I was reminded today that John 3:16 says that God so loved the world that He gave His only Son so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life. God so loved YOU that He sent His son to die for YOU. Jesus so loved YOU that He chose to die for YOU.
YOU personally. YOU period. He is in love with YOU. He doesn't care how thin you are. How long your hair is or how many wrinkles you have or don't have. Did you know when you laugh, He smiles!
Another confession time - When I was heavy, I didn't want a guy. I did because somehow it's a stigma to be single. You are incomplete, not a normal person unless you have a husband. I wanted one, but at the same time I didn't want one, because I didn't feel comfortable in my own skin. Now I'm a lot more comfortable, a little more confident. But you know what? Who can treat me better than my God and Saviour? Who can provide for me better? Protect me better? Comfort, care, and know exactly what I need and truly want? I say this because YOU are not defined by having a person in your life. YOU are defined by who you Father is. There's a song and I don't know who sings it or the title of the song but the lyrics go "there is a God-shaped hole in all of us." I love that God designed us to need Him.
You know what I love about the bible? Everytime I read it something new jumps out at me like never before. My favorite verse is Psalms 37:4 - Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart. You know why? Cause I may think I know what I want. What I desire. But He really knows what I need and what I should have. Sometimes what we think we want is only what the world says we should want. But God knows our hearts, and what we truly want and need.
So I sat down to write about one thing, and this all came out. I hope it made sense. I hope it helps. And I hope to give you all hugs soon.
I almost made the joke that I can't work any more Tres Dias weekends because everytime I come back from working one I end up with a new trainer. But I won't be giving up these weekends! Even if it means breaking in a new guy. I love working Tres Dias because it is an opportunity for me to nail my worries to the cross and never pick them back up again. It's a chance for me to bond in a way that is never broken with other sisters in Christ. And it's a reminder that we are not alone in this journey. We all stumble, but we all get back up. I was reminded today that John 3:16 says that God so loved the world that He gave His only Son so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life. God so loved YOU that He sent His son to die for YOU. Jesus so loved YOU that He chose to die for YOU.
YOU personally. YOU period. He is in love with YOU. He doesn't care how thin you are. How long your hair is or how many wrinkles you have or don't have. Did you know when you laugh, He smiles!
Another confession time - When I was heavy, I didn't want a guy. I did because somehow it's a stigma to be single. You are incomplete, not a normal person unless you have a husband. I wanted one, but at the same time I didn't want one, because I didn't feel comfortable in my own skin. Now I'm a lot more comfortable, a little more confident. But you know what? Who can treat me better than my God and Saviour? Who can provide for me better? Protect me better? Comfort, care, and know exactly what I need and truly want? I say this because YOU are not defined by having a person in your life. YOU are defined by who you Father is. There's a song and I don't know who sings it or the title of the song but the lyrics go "there is a God-shaped hole in all of us." I love that God designed us to need Him.
You know what I love about the bible? Everytime I read it something new jumps out at me like never before. My favorite verse is Psalms 37:4 - Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart. You know why? Cause I may think I know what I want. What I desire. But He really knows what I need and what I should have. Sometimes what we think we want is only what the world says we should want. But God knows our hearts, and what we truly want and need.
So I sat down to write about one thing, and this all came out. I hope it made sense. I hope it helps. And I hope to give you all hugs soon.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Accountability and why it is so important
There's a lot on my mind so I'm not sure where to begin. Has anyone seen the new series on CBS called Mike & Molly? I loved that show - granted I've only seen the pilot, but it was still very funny. The main characters meet at an over eaters anonymous meeting where jokes about weight and eating....and eating...and eating some more are made. And while I laughed at the jokes - because I can totally relate to all of them - not one mention was made of why the pattern started or how to end the pattern. Which apparently is where I am stuck. As you all know by now - because I may have mentioned it once or twice - or a few more times - I had the weight loss goal of 102 pounds by my birthday. And I was so excited because it has been way way too long since I have looked in the mirror and liked what I've seen.
Now comes the painfully hard and brutally honest confession time. What did I do to celebrate this accomplishment? I ate. I didn't count any of the calories. And as I sit here one week later after over eating a not so healthy lunch berating myself and condemning and just plain hating myself - so much that I was distracted at work - I realize that was my first mistake. My second mistake was loosening up and not maintaining my self control. My third mistake was allowing my pride in self to be built up. I didn't get here on my own and I can't continue on my own. Only through God and His strength and self control can I ever hope to continue to grow in my own self control.
I had a goal with a deadline. I had people to hold me accountable to that goal and that deadline. I knew the course I had to take in order to meet the deadline. If I strayed, I beat myself up mentally and punished myself physically with extra cardio and extra workouts. Might not have been the best thing to do. Probably shouldn't do that again. But my point is I don't know what my goal is now or when it will be accomplished. I mean, I know my goal is to get to a healthy weight, lose fat and build muscle. So the determination and drive is still there, I just don't have a set deadline for that goal.
So is it any wonder that the second I relax my guard I go crazy. For my birthday I had three pieces of cake - they were 1/2 slices so I told myself it was only 1.5 pieces of cake. Like that makes it ok. I ate all my Chinese food for dinner instead of taking half of it home as planned. And then while still full from dinner, I had popcorn and a sugar cookie with icing that was probably pure sugar. I did fairly good Sunday - but that may have been because I was so full from Saturday. But Monday allergies hit and turned into sinus congestion with a slight fever so I haven't been back to the gym at all this week. How did I compensate? Did I eat less? Did I eat healthy? No and no. I continued to over eat - eating far more calories than I should have and eating whatever popped into my head to eat. So while it wasn't fast food, it was still too much and not the healthiest way to eat.
Which brings us to this afternoon when instead of working, I sat at my desk feeling consumed by pure disgust for myself and the same old guilt and shame that overeating brings. So to shake myself out of it I talked to God. I asked why am I doing this? What brought this on? Why did it go on for so long? Why can't I seem to stop? And it occurred to me. I hadn't logged any of my food. I use a special program to log my food. It's the Apex program for 24hour fitness. So my trainer can log on and see how I'm eating - if I need more protein and less fat. Or if I'm eating too much. DING DING! I haven't been logging my food so he can't see what I've been eating or how much I've been eating. I don't want him to know I've slipped. Well, slipped, slid, and tumbled far down the hill it took me so long to climb. I don't want him to know I've failed. I don't want him to know that I feel like a hypocrite - people ask me to motivate them, and don't get me wrong I would love to help in every and any way I can but how can I help people when I fail myself? Plus I could have probably gotten over this ick feeling much faster.
I was going to do a blog on motivation - still might later - but motivation is so personal and so different for each and every person. I would NOT be motivated by working out with Jillian or Bob. It would take less than one day of them screaming in my face before I gave up and walked out. Sorry, but I don't work well like that. I have to be encouraged and yes even coddled. My motivation was I couldn't stand how I looked. I couldn't stand myself. I wanted to live the life God gave me, not just coast through waiting for the day I would go to Heaven. But that may not be someone else's motivation.
My point to this long winded story is accountability is crucial. If I had logged my food I would have cut back after 1 day. Probably even half a day. Because I know someone else is seeing what I'm eating and going to want to talk about it. I hate it when it happens, but when I get called out for doing something I knew I wasn't supposed to do, yes it hurts and yes I get a slight attitude for a minute until I realize they are right and I need to get back on track.
My second thought as I talked to God was that the guilt, shame, disgust and disappointed are not from Him. Phillipians 4:8 says "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." And none of what I was feeling were those things. So I know they were lies. I am human. I stumble and fall down. Alot. But - and this is the best thing - God picks me up, dusts me off, holds my hand, and continues the walk with me.
I leave you with Romans 8:1 "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." That means that I can say, like Scarlett O'Hara, that tomorrow is another day. I will get a good nights rest, wake up and drink my protein shake and then get to the gym and give my all in kickboxing class. New day, new attitude.
Now comes the painfully hard and brutally honest confession time. What did I do to celebrate this accomplishment? I ate. I didn't count any of the calories. And as I sit here one week later after over eating a not so healthy lunch berating myself and condemning and just plain hating myself - so much that I was distracted at work - I realize that was my first mistake. My second mistake was loosening up and not maintaining my self control. My third mistake was allowing my pride in self to be built up. I didn't get here on my own and I can't continue on my own. Only through God and His strength and self control can I ever hope to continue to grow in my own self control.
I had a goal with a deadline. I had people to hold me accountable to that goal and that deadline. I knew the course I had to take in order to meet the deadline. If I strayed, I beat myself up mentally and punished myself physically with extra cardio and extra workouts. Might not have been the best thing to do. Probably shouldn't do that again. But my point is I don't know what my goal is now or when it will be accomplished. I mean, I know my goal is to get to a healthy weight, lose fat and build muscle. So the determination and drive is still there, I just don't have a set deadline for that goal.
So is it any wonder that the second I relax my guard I go crazy. For my birthday I had three pieces of cake - they were 1/2 slices so I told myself it was only 1.5 pieces of cake. Like that makes it ok. I ate all my Chinese food for dinner instead of taking half of it home as planned. And then while still full from dinner, I had popcorn and a sugar cookie with icing that was probably pure sugar. I did fairly good Sunday - but that may have been because I was so full from Saturday. But Monday allergies hit and turned into sinus congestion with a slight fever so I haven't been back to the gym at all this week. How did I compensate? Did I eat less? Did I eat healthy? No and no. I continued to over eat - eating far more calories than I should have and eating whatever popped into my head to eat. So while it wasn't fast food, it was still too much and not the healthiest way to eat.
Which brings us to this afternoon when instead of working, I sat at my desk feeling consumed by pure disgust for myself and the same old guilt and shame that overeating brings. So to shake myself out of it I talked to God. I asked why am I doing this? What brought this on? Why did it go on for so long? Why can't I seem to stop? And it occurred to me. I hadn't logged any of my food. I use a special program to log my food. It's the Apex program for 24hour fitness. So my trainer can log on and see how I'm eating - if I need more protein and less fat. Or if I'm eating too much. DING DING! I haven't been logging my food so he can't see what I've been eating or how much I've been eating. I don't want him to know I've slipped. Well, slipped, slid, and tumbled far down the hill it took me so long to climb. I don't want him to know I've failed. I don't want him to know that I feel like a hypocrite - people ask me to motivate them, and don't get me wrong I would love to help in every and any way I can but how can I help people when I fail myself? Plus I could have probably gotten over this ick feeling much faster.
I was going to do a blog on motivation - still might later - but motivation is so personal and so different for each and every person. I would NOT be motivated by working out with Jillian or Bob. It would take less than one day of them screaming in my face before I gave up and walked out. Sorry, but I don't work well like that. I have to be encouraged and yes even coddled. My motivation was I couldn't stand how I looked. I couldn't stand myself. I wanted to live the life God gave me, not just coast through waiting for the day I would go to Heaven. But that may not be someone else's motivation.
My point to this long winded story is accountability is crucial. If I had logged my food I would have cut back after 1 day. Probably even half a day. Because I know someone else is seeing what I'm eating and going to want to talk about it. I hate it when it happens, but when I get called out for doing something I knew I wasn't supposed to do, yes it hurts and yes I get a slight attitude for a minute until I realize they are right and I need to get back on track.
My second thought as I talked to God was that the guilt, shame, disgust and disappointed are not from Him. Phillipians 4:8 says "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." And none of what I was feeling were those things. So I know they were lies. I am human. I stumble and fall down. Alot. But - and this is the best thing - God picks me up, dusts me off, holds my hand, and continues the walk with me.
I leave you with Romans 8:1 "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." That means that I can say, like Scarlett O'Hara, that tomorrow is another day. I will get a good nights rest, wake up and drink my protein shake and then get to the gym and give my all in kickboxing class. New day, new attitude.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Well Now What?
So the day is almost over. My birthday!!! And I made my goal! Which I give all credit to God, becuase I checked 4 days ago and I had 5 more pounds to reach my goal so I totally wasn't expecting to make it. But I did! Which is just the best feeling! I know, alot of exclamation points, but it is VERY exciting!!! I was asked when the last time I weighed this much was. And the answer is, I don't remember. I was already over 200 pounds when I graduated high school. But I weigh this much now. And I won't weigh this much for too much longer. Because honestly, I have more fat to lose. I think now I'm going to breath. I'm going to continue on working towards healthy. And not feel guilty if I take a break now and then. Because let's face it, I'm working long term life changing and life maintaining here.
That being said, how did I celebrate this goal? I ate what I wanted. And the best part? I don't feel guilty! I feel very full, probably too full, and won't eat like this ever again but it was worth it. I had enough sweets that all my sweet teeth got their fill. And I had fun doing it. I felt alive and like I was living the life God made me for. Thank you for that - the best birthday present Father!!
Workout tip #2.19: Don't tell your trainer that you are going to eat badly on your birthday because he WILL work you out to make up for it.
Which is fine by me! I love that I'm sore enough from working out to remind myself how I got here, and what I get to go do again tomorrow. Have a safe and happy weekend!
That being said, how did I celebrate this goal? I ate what I wanted. And the best part? I don't feel guilty! I feel very full, probably too full, and won't eat like this ever again but it was worth it. I had enough sweets that all my sweet teeth got their fill. And I had fun doing it. I felt alive and like I was living the life God made me for. Thank you for that - the best birthday present Father!!
Workout tip #2.19: Don't tell your trainer that you are going to eat badly on your birthday because he WILL work you out to make up for it.
Which is fine by me! I love that I'm sore enough from working out to remind myself how I got here, and what I get to go do again tomorrow. Have a safe and happy weekend!
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Moving Forward - Food-Wise
I should start this by saying as a food addict, I find it highly ironic that now that I've changed my eating habits, I think more about food now than I did before I changed eating habits. Because now I have to think out what I'm going to eat - will it be under a certain amount of calories? Will I get enough protein while keeping the fat content down? Is there too much sugar in this?
Since my official weigh in for my deadline is on Friday I am thinking even more about food lately. Definitely thinking about calories - to make sure that I'm eating way less than I burn. However, now that the deadline is looming I'm thinking ahead about how I can eat after the deadline.
I'm not going to be so strict on myself. I've decided I won't go crazy. But I'm also going to have a "treat" meal. Where I can indulge in a food without feeling guilt or shame. I won't beat myself up and punish myself by doing an exta hour of cardio. But I won't deny deny deny either. Because, let's face it, that creates the issue of being tired of being "good" and cravings that go out of control so that when you do give in you over eat.
So now all I can think of is what is my first meal? Where will I go? I want pizza! I want a hamburger and mushroom pizza. Or a green olive pizza. I want a cheeseburger. I want a Taco Bueno chicken quesadilla dipped in queso. I want Red Lobster cheddar biscuits. I want pretty much everything I haven't had in the past 9 months. However if I give into those cravings I will definitely see the plus sign on the scale and that is no good.
My final decision - be smart about it. If I go eat the fried food or the greasy pizza my tummy will not be happy. If I go to Red Lobster will I just limit myself to one of those yummy biscuits? NO. And I googled - there are about 160 calories in one of those suckers. So I'll stay away from there. But once a month as a treat I'll let myself eat what I want. Not as much as I used to. The problem with me is I of course like to plan. So I can prioritize where and what I want to eat first. I probably shouldn't because that makes food important, and it really shouldn't be.
But here is the plan - just so you can keep me honest, and I can stay honest - my birthday is this weekend. What do we as a family, and friends do to celebrate events? We eat!! Friday my friend is taking me to Saltgrass Steak House for a steak and salad. Saturday I'm eating Chinese with my Mom. Already have it planned out. I'm getting chicken with cashew nuts, fried rice, egg roll, and maybe egg drop soup. And I'm NOT counting calories. And I've already told my trainer - with maybe a slight attitude cause his eyes got big and he leaned back and said that was fine, we all need a day off once in awhile. And Sunday, I might stop by Buffalo Wild Wings for some Teryaki wings as my treat to me. I haven't decided for sure. We'll see how I feel after Friday and Saturday.
October's meal? It's going to be a weekend again - Tres Dias weekend. The weekend I escape to the lake to spend three glorious days with my Heavenly Father. And ALL the sister's He's given me. And since it's a retreat, that means camp food, snack food, and junk food. So I'll take some healthy snacks, but I will be having biscuits and gravy and eggs and bacon for breakfast. Just saying.
So just to reiterate - mostly to myself - now that the deadline of my birthday is pretty much here, it's time to look towards the next goal. To maintain the healthy but be ok with indulgance. Once in a while. In moderation.
Happy, healthy eating everyone!
Since my official weigh in for my deadline is on Friday I am thinking even more about food lately. Definitely thinking about calories - to make sure that I'm eating way less than I burn. However, now that the deadline is looming I'm thinking ahead about how I can eat after the deadline.
I'm not going to be so strict on myself. I've decided I won't go crazy. But I'm also going to have a "treat" meal. Where I can indulge in a food without feeling guilt or shame. I won't beat myself up and punish myself by doing an exta hour of cardio. But I won't deny deny deny either. Because, let's face it, that creates the issue of being tired of being "good" and cravings that go out of control so that when you do give in you over eat.
So now all I can think of is what is my first meal? Where will I go? I want pizza! I want a hamburger and mushroom pizza. Or a green olive pizza. I want a cheeseburger. I want a Taco Bueno chicken quesadilla dipped in queso. I want Red Lobster cheddar biscuits. I want pretty much everything I haven't had in the past 9 months. However if I give into those cravings I will definitely see the plus sign on the scale and that is no good.
My final decision - be smart about it. If I go eat the fried food or the greasy pizza my tummy will not be happy. If I go to Red Lobster will I just limit myself to one of those yummy biscuits? NO. And I googled - there are about 160 calories in one of those suckers. So I'll stay away from there. But once a month as a treat I'll let myself eat what I want. Not as much as I used to. The problem with me is I of course like to plan. So I can prioritize where and what I want to eat first. I probably shouldn't because that makes food important, and it really shouldn't be.
But here is the plan - just so you can keep me honest, and I can stay honest - my birthday is this weekend. What do we as a family, and friends do to celebrate events? We eat!! Friday my friend is taking me to Saltgrass Steak House for a steak and salad. Saturday I'm eating Chinese with my Mom. Already have it planned out. I'm getting chicken with cashew nuts, fried rice, egg roll, and maybe egg drop soup. And I'm NOT counting calories. And I've already told my trainer - with maybe a slight attitude cause his eyes got big and he leaned back and said that was fine, we all need a day off once in awhile. And Sunday, I might stop by Buffalo Wild Wings for some Teryaki wings as my treat to me. I haven't decided for sure. We'll see how I feel after Friday and Saturday.
October's meal? It's going to be a weekend again - Tres Dias weekend. The weekend I escape to the lake to spend three glorious days with my Heavenly Father. And ALL the sister's He's given me. And since it's a retreat, that means camp food, snack food, and junk food. So I'll take some healthy snacks, but I will be having biscuits and gravy and eggs and bacon for breakfast. Just saying.
So just to reiterate - mostly to myself - now that the deadline of my birthday is pretty much here, it's time to look towards the next goal. To maintain the healthy but be ok with indulgance. Once in a while. In moderation.
Happy, healthy eating everyone!
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Shopping - the new frontier
Alright, so I decided it was time to get clothes that fit. Clothes that actually touch my skin. Since winter is coming - even though this is Texas and it is totally hit and miss with winter weather - and I have no sweaters I figured now was a good time to get some clothes for the upcoming season. JcPenney's, Sears, and Kohl's are having good sales by the way (I got some sweaters for $16 that are normally $44 - which is how I justify having spent so much money).
I used to not like shopping. I didn't like looking at myself in the mirror period, so why would I want to look at myself in clothes that I went up a size or two in and that were made for skinny people but only had fabric added so they fit "plus" sized people very awkwardly? It took way too much time to find what did look good on me. I'm one of those get in and get out people. Very anti-girl of me, I know. I don't like looking looking and never finding. It's a waste of time to me.
Yesterday however I spent 2.5 hours in JcPenney's. I kid you not. Which is a lot of time when you haven't had dinner and your tummy is growling at you and to hurry up. And why did it take so long? Because I had to go back for new sizes to try on! But the good news is I went DOWN in sizes! I got my sweaters in a medium! A MEDIUM!!!! I haven't been that size since middle school! And my pants - wait for it - are a size 16! That is six dresses sizes smaller than when I started! AND it's one size smaller than when I graduated high school!
A friends response? To say wow! what a change! Which is true. But I said you should see it from this side! It's exciting, new, and scary! The way I see myself HAS to change. I still see myself as huge. Do you know what I hate? I hate that if you ask me for my flaws I can give you a list as long as Santa's naughty and nice list in 5 minutes flat but if you ask me for a quality that I like about myself I need 5 minutes just to think of one. That doesn't seem right to me.
So starting now, I am taking 2 minutes to look at myself after I don't like what I see to look past the first impression of bad and see something I do like.
Oh, and one more tip: Don't shop alone! Totally hard to celebrate without someone there.
I used to not like shopping. I didn't like looking at myself in the mirror period, so why would I want to look at myself in clothes that I went up a size or two in and that were made for skinny people but only had fabric added so they fit "plus" sized people very awkwardly? It took way too much time to find what did look good on me. I'm one of those get in and get out people. Very anti-girl of me, I know. I don't like looking looking and never finding. It's a waste of time to me.
Yesterday however I spent 2.5 hours in JcPenney's. I kid you not. Which is a lot of time when you haven't had dinner and your tummy is growling at you and to hurry up. And why did it take so long? Because I had to go back for new sizes to try on! But the good news is I went DOWN in sizes! I got my sweaters in a medium! A MEDIUM!!!! I haven't been that size since middle school! And my pants - wait for it - are a size 16! That is six dresses sizes smaller than when I started! AND it's one size smaller than when I graduated high school!
A friends response? To say wow! what a change! Which is true. But I said you should see it from this side! It's exciting, new, and scary! The way I see myself HAS to change. I still see myself as huge. Do you know what I hate? I hate that if you ask me for my flaws I can give you a list as long as Santa's naughty and nice list in 5 minutes flat but if you ask me for a quality that I like about myself I need 5 minutes just to think of one. That doesn't seem right to me.
So starting now, I am taking 2 minutes to look at myself after I don't like what I see to look past the first impression of bad and see something I do like.
Oh, and one more tip: Don't shop alone! Totally hard to celebrate without someone there.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Goals - do we need them?
Ok, my cycle instructor is definitely a pain in my butt tonight!! So I'm watching a movie, wincing everytime I move and so exhausted that I'm really not paying attention to the movie because I'm trying not to fall asleep. And I'm slightly bored and wanting to change my status on facebook every five minutes just to see who will like the status and who will comment on the status. Be honest, you know you have done that too!!
So that's when I decided maybe it's time to post my next blog. So what's been on my mind lately? My goal. Honesty time - I now weigh 207 pounds! Since my documented peak was 315 and my official starting weight was 301 this is a huge accomplishment. I think I weighed this much when I graduated high school. The difference is that I'm in better shape now. I can see muscles that I know I've never had before. It's all very exciting!
I decided a few monthes ago that I wanted my weight to start with a 1 by my birthday. Even if it's 199.9...but if it's less than that I won't complain. September 25 is the deadline. 16 days from now. That's half a pound a day to lose. That means I have to eat 1,750 calories less than the amount of calories I burn every day. I love being an accountant but that's an overwhelming amount of math for me to do everyday. Just saying.
And then that stupid little voice inside my head says what if you don't make the goal? What will all that hard work have been for? You are going to fail!
But then I remember what my mom said when I told her my goal and worried then if I couldn't make it....she said what if you can??
So like other steps of faith with my Lord, I say I will go to the gym everyday. Do my best everyday. And give the Glory and results to God. If I don't make the goal it will be ok. Life will continue. Gym will continue to be a daily thing. My family and friends won't love me any less - this is a direct order! And no one will be disappointed in me. I will not be disappointed in myself (sounds good on paper but I promise to keep telling myself this and work on not feeling disappointed). I will walk away knowing I gave my all and I did my part.
I will remember how far I've come. I will remember that there is more to come. I will remember that not one, not two but three ladies have told me they are going to buy me new pants that actually fit so they can see what size I really am. And I will remember that I did not fail, I've succeeded in changing my life. And I will continue on that journey. I might go eat a skinny cow ice cream sandwich first but I will continue!
So that's when I decided maybe it's time to post my next blog. So what's been on my mind lately? My goal. Honesty time - I now weigh 207 pounds! Since my documented peak was 315 and my official starting weight was 301 this is a huge accomplishment. I think I weighed this much when I graduated high school. The difference is that I'm in better shape now. I can see muscles that I know I've never had before. It's all very exciting!
I decided a few monthes ago that I wanted my weight to start with a 1 by my birthday. Even if it's 199.9...but if it's less than that I won't complain. September 25 is the deadline. 16 days from now. That's half a pound a day to lose. That means I have to eat 1,750 calories less than the amount of calories I burn every day. I love being an accountant but that's an overwhelming amount of math for me to do everyday. Just saying.
And then that stupid little voice inside my head says what if you don't make the goal? What will all that hard work have been for? You are going to fail!
But then I remember what my mom said when I told her my goal and worried then if I couldn't make it....she said what if you can??
So like other steps of faith with my Lord, I say I will go to the gym everyday. Do my best everyday. And give the Glory and results to God. If I don't make the goal it will be ok. Life will continue. Gym will continue to be a daily thing. My family and friends won't love me any less - this is a direct order! And no one will be disappointed in me. I will not be disappointed in myself (sounds good on paper but I promise to keep telling myself this and work on not feeling disappointed). I will walk away knowing I gave my all and I did my part.
I will remember how far I've come. I will remember that there is more to come. I will remember that not one, not two but three ladies have told me they are going to buy me new pants that actually fit so they can see what size I really am. And I will remember that I did not fail, I've succeeded in changing my life. And I will continue on that journey. I might go eat a skinny cow ice cream sandwich first but I will continue!
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Gaining control of your eating
Have you ever seen the movie Confessions of a Shopaholic? Good movie! This is kind of like that except it's confessions of an food addict. Before I gave my life to the Lord I tried to fill the emptiness inside me with food. I loved food. I loved the tastes and textures. I loved the little feeling of happiness it would bring. Of course that feeling would eventually go away so I had to eat again to get that feeling back. Thus begins the pattern of more eating and alot of eating.
It's embarassing to admit but here was a typical Saturday meal plan for me: on Saturday morning's I'd sleep in and then make my way to What-a-burger where I'd get 2 taquitos with eggs cheese and potatoes with salsa and a large coke (which is 44 ounces). For a late lunch I'd probably go get a double cheeseburger with french fries and a sprite from McDonalds - the meal supersized of course. Then for dinner I'd go get my most favorite meal of all. I'd go to Taco Bueno and get 2 chicken quesadillas with two sides of queso and salsa and a large tea. I love cheese - the way it melts and gets gooey. Don't get me started on pizza - when they burn the cheese a little so it's crispy on the outside and gooey in the middle. But I digress. What is that calorie total?
What-a- burger taquitos with eggs cheese and potatoes - 420 calories each (840 total)
44 ounces of coca-cola - 528 calories
Salsa -15 calories each (60 calories total)
McDonald's double cheeseburger - 421 calories
McDonald's supersized fries - 570 calories
McDonld's suprsized soda - 310 calories
Taco Bueno Chicken Quesadilaa - 761 calories each (total 1522)
Taco Bueno queso - 279 each (558 total)
Salsa - 15 calories each (60 calories total)
Taco Bueno large tea - surprisingly zero - I drink unsweet tea.
So grand total number of caloric intake on a typical Saturday? 4,029. In case you were unaware - one pound of fat weighs 3,500. I was burning the bare minimum of calories - because I usually just vegged out in front of the tv. Did a little laundry. Got out to get the food but that was about it. It is little wonder I weighed as much as I did and continued to gain.
Now to complicate things further, I'm an emotional eater. What do I do when I'm bored, upset, frustrated, depressed? I turn to food. That gooey cheese makes things better. Momentarily. But after I eat that little piece of happy I then feel guilty and ashamed. Now I think of all the hard work I put into my body to make it healthier and I get overwhelmed with the lie of guilt and shame. Is that cookie going to make me gain all my weight back? No. But when I don't keep my head and go back for the second cookie plus the piece of cake that I don't really want and wasn't that good but eat it anyway, my tummy gets upset. And I might gain one or two pounds. Which is going backwards and I am firmly against that.
People have asked me how I've lost the weight - it's simple. Diet and excercise. I hate the word diet - I go on a diet and ALL I can think about is food. I think I gain weight on diets. So I changed eating habits.
First tip: Eat breakfast. People say "oh, I don't eat breakfast, I just can't." It doesn't have to be a huge meal. It can be an apple and a cup of coffee. In fact, I have coffee with my breakfast - caffeine is an appetite supressent. But you know why they say breakfast is the most important meal of the day? It kick-starts your metabolism so you can start burning calories.
Second tip: Eat often. Six small meals a day - breakfast, morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack, dinner, and evening snack. It keeps your metabolism stable and up. It also prevents you from getting overly hungry. If I get hungry, I pretty much say forget this and over eat. Not only that, I go for the comfort foods I love. Which brings me back to square one of the guilt and shame cycle. It's best to avoid that.
Third tip: Don't go for the fad diets that tell you to not eat carbs and only eat protein. Your body needs a little bit of fat to process vitamins. It needs carbohydrates....for whatever carbohydrates do. I am a reader. So when I started working out I read about nutrition. I honestly can't remember what does what to which part of you. But I do remember that your body burns carbs first. Carbs are ok to eat. The second thing it burns is fat. So a little fat is ok too. A good ratio - 60% carbs, 20% fat, 20% protein. Eventually you can lessen the fat and increase the protein. I usually try and keep it 10-15% fat and increase protein by 5-10%.
Fourth tip: Make food boring. I eat the same thing over and over again. My hope is that I will get used to it. The problem with that theory is when I do eat something with flavor, I go back into the old mode of this is good, must have more! So this tip is still a work in progress.
Fifth tip: Find healthy alternatives. Be careful of the fat free items - sometimes they load up on sugar to help with the taste. That being said - my favorite snack is fat free cottage cheese with some kind of fruit. Pineapple, strawberries and peaches are my favorite. Fresh is the best, but if you have to get canned then go for the kind that are in 100% juice. NEVER the heavy syrup. Also, I eat meal replacements sometimes. They are simple and easy - just open the bar and eat. Or put a scoop of powder in milk and drink.
I actually found some protein bars that taste like desserts. Today I was walking out of the gym and grabbed a white chocolate chip protein bar and a peanut butter candy cookie protein bar. They are about the same calorie count as a regular cookie. Actually about 60 calories more. But they have the same amount of fat and 12 grams of protein instead of the standard 2 grams. So they are more filling. And I feel less guilty about eating them. I also grabbed a brownie with Reese's peanut butter chips. That one was a little sweet for me, but there is just something about chocolate and peanut butter together. I liked it. I think it'll go in the once in a while as a treat category.
Don't feel like giving up your fast food? That's ok - stop supersizing it. Slowly cut back. Go from every day to 3 days a week. Then down to 1 day - make it on a Friday as an end of the week treat. Same with your daily sodas - cut back slowly. Try a fruit as a snack instead of the vending machine.
Do you ever stop being an emotional eater? No. My first thought after I get upset is to go grab some chocolate or a quesadilla from Taco Bueno. But the fight against giving in gets a little bit easier as time goes by. Since I feel so guilty afterwards it makes it easier. That and the fact that I don't want to go back to old habits. I have worked hard and fought hard to get where I am today. And I still have a long way to go. But think of it this way - if I can do it, so can you!
It's embarassing to admit but here was a typical Saturday meal plan for me: on Saturday morning's I'd sleep in and then make my way to What-a-burger where I'd get 2 taquitos with eggs cheese and potatoes with salsa and a large coke (which is 44 ounces). For a late lunch I'd probably go get a double cheeseburger with french fries and a sprite from McDonalds - the meal supersized of course. Then for dinner I'd go get my most favorite meal of all. I'd go to Taco Bueno and get 2 chicken quesadillas with two sides of queso and salsa and a large tea. I love cheese - the way it melts and gets gooey. Don't get me started on pizza - when they burn the cheese a little so it's crispy on the outside and gooey in the middle. But I digress. What is that calorie total?
What-a- burger taquitos with eggs cheese and potatoes - 420 calories each (840 total)
44 ounces of coca-cola - 528 calories
Salsa -15 calories each (60 calories total)
McDonald's double cheeseburger - 421 calories
McDonald's supersized fries - 570 calories
McDonld's suprsized soda - 310 calories
Taco Bueno Chicken Quesadilaa - 761 calories each (total 1522)
Taco Bueno queso - 279 each (558 total)
Salsa - 15 calories each (60 calories total)
Taco Bueno large tea - surprisingly zero - I drink unsweet tea.
So grand total number of caloric intake on a typical Saturday? 4,029. In case you were unaware - one pound of fat weighs 3,500. I was burning the bare minimum of calories - because I usually just vegged out in front of the tv. Did a little laundry. Got out to get the food but that was about it. It is little wonder I weighed as much as I did and continued to gain.
Now to complicate things further, I'm an emotional eater. What do I do when I'm bored, upset, frustrated, depressed? I turn to food. That gooey cheese makes things better. Momentarily. But after I eat that little piece of happy I then feel guilty and ashamed. Now I think of all the hard work I put into my body to make it healthier and I get overwhelmed with the lie of guilt and shame. Is that cookie going to make me gain all my weight back? No. But when I don't keep my head and go back for the second cookie plus the piece of cake that I don't really want and wasn't that good but eat it anyway, my tummy gets upset. And I might gain one or two pounds. Which is going backwards and I am firmly against that.
People have asked me how I've lost the weight - it's simple. Diet and excercise. I hate the word diet - I go on a diet and ALL I can think about is food. I think I gain weight on diets. So I changed eating habits.
First tip: Eat breakfast. People say "oh, I don't eat breakfast, I just can't." It doesn't have to be a huge meal. It can be an apple and a cup of coffee. In fact, I have coffee with my breakfast - caffeine is an appetite supressent. But you know why they say breakfast is the most important meal of the day? It kick-starts your metabolism so you can start burning calories.
Second tip: Eat often. Six small meals a day - breakfast, morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack, dinner, and evening snack. It keeps your metabolism stable and up. It also prevents you from getting overly hungry. If I get hungry, I pretty much say forget this and over eat. Not only that, I go for the comfort foods I love. Which brings me back to square one of the guilt and shame cycle. It's best to avoid that.
Third tip: Don't go for the fad diets that tell you to not eat carbs and only eat protein. Your body needs a little bit of fat to process vitamins. It needs carbohydrates....for whatever carbohydrates do. I am a reader. So when I started working out I read about nutrition. I honestly can't remember what does what to which part of you. But I do remember that your body burns carbs first. Carbs are ok to eat. The second thing it burns is fat. So a little fat is ok too. A good ratio - 60% carbs, 20% fat, 20% protein. Eventually you can lessen the fat and increase the protein. I usually try and keep it 10-15% fat and increase protein by 5-10%.
Fourth tip: Make food boring. I eat the same thing over and over again. My hope is that I will get used to it. The problem with that theory is when I do eat something with flavor, I go back into the old mode of this is good, must have more! So this tip is still a work in progress.
Fifth tip: Find healthy alternatives. Be careful of the fat free items - sometimes they load up on sugar to help with the taste. That being said - my favorite snack is fat free cottage cheese with some kind of fruit. Pineapple, strawberries and peaches are my favorite. Fresh is the best, but if you have to get canned then go for the kind that are in 100% juice. NEVER the heavy syrup. Also, I eat meal replacements sometimes. They are simple and easy - just open the bar and eat. Or put a scoop of powder in milk and drink.
I actually found some protein bars that taste like desserts. Today I was walking out of the gym and grabbed a white chocolate chip protein bar and a peanut butter candy cookie protein bar. They are about the same calorie count as a regular cookie. Actually about 60 calories more. But they have the same amount of fat and 12 grams of protein instead of the standard 2 grams. So they are more filling. And I feel less guilty about eating them. I also grabbed a brownie with Reese's peanut butter chips. That one was a little sweet for me, but there is just something about chocolate and peanut butter together. I liked it. I think it'll go in the once in a while as a treat category.
Don't feel like giving up your fast food? That's ok - stop supersizing it. Slowly cut back. Go from every day to 3 days a week. Then down to 1 day - make it on a Friday as an end of the week treat. Same with your daily sodas - cut back slowly. Try a fruit as a snack instead of the vending machine.
Do you ever stop being an emotional eater? No. My first thought after I get upset is to go grab some chocolate or a quesadilla from Taco Bueno. But the fight against giving in gets a little bit easier as time goes by. Since I feel so guilty afterwards it makes it easier. That and the fact that I don't want to go back to old habits. I have worked hard and fought hard to get where I am today. And I still have a long way to go. But think of it this way - if I can do it, so can you!
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Starting out
Ok. I don't know what a "normal" person's idea of a good workout is, but my idea of a good work out is when I limp away on the border line of sore and pain - teetering towards pain - drenched in sweat and all my muscles are screaming and cursing at me. Even the ones I didn't know I had until then.
Today was not that day.
I walked calmly away. Shirt was damp but not sticking to me. Muscles were smiling at me. Complimenting me on a job well done but not screaming at me in pain. And I was mentally kicking myself for not pushing harder. Was this wrong? Does this mean I did not get a good workout?
As I sit here, my triceps are not happy with me but the rest of me is ok. A little sore but nothing I can't handle. I will be honest and say I pushed harder while working out my arms than I did my legs. I went to spin (cycle) class Friday, Monday, and Wednesday so my quads, hamstrings, and gluts have been none too happy with me lately. So as I was mentally bashing myself for wasting an hour of my time and taking the old easy way out I was reminded of how far I've come.
When I first started working out, I had absolutely no muscles. No endurance, and forget strength. I was so sore I woke myself up rolling over at night. It hurt to laugh and so of course I found everything that week the most hilarious thing I had ever heard in my life. As I would shampoo my hair, I would wonder if I absolutely had to use my hands or if I could rub my head along the wall and accomplish the same results. Then I remembered who was responsible for washing my bathroom and how often it happened so hurting arms were raised and hands were used.
So then it occured to me that my second post should be how to start working out.
I started by committing 5 days a week, 30 minutes. I am still committed to that, but if I have nothing else going that day, I'll come the other 2. Just because I don't want to come home from work, turn on the tv, and look up 6 hours later to find it's time for bed.
I started on the recumbant bike. I kid you not - it's like a recliner that you sit on and peddle! The seat kind of inclines back and people! there are arm rests! Arm rests!! And at my gym they have tvs so all I had to do was find one in front of the tv show I wanted to watch and go to town. Some days I did a little more than 30 minutes just because I got caught up in the tv show. After a week I'd bump up the resistance by 2 then the week after 2 more bump ups. Until I got to about a 10 which is when I switched to the elliptical and took it the same way. Only I could go for about 5 minutes before I pretty much fell off the machine - so I did 25 minutes on the bike and finished my cardio. Worked my way up on minutes on the elliptical and whatever I couldn't finish on there I finished on the bike. Now if I forget to watch the clock, I can do an hour on the elliptical! Progress is good!
Now the trick is to switch it up. The less you weigh the harder it is to lose weight. I really don't like that rule. But you are moving around less body mass so it takes less energy to move. So you have to surprise your body. And have I mentioned I don't like surprises? I like my little comfort zone and doing what is easy. So tomorrow, new goal: switch up my cardio and get off the treadmill. After 2 months doing cardio that way it's time for a change. Happy workout everyone!
Today was not that day.
I walked calmly away. Shirt was damp but not sticking to me. Muscles were smiling at me. Complimenting me on a job well done but not screaming at me in pain. And I was mentally kicking myself for not pushing harder. Was this wrong? Does this mean I did not get a good workout?
As I sit here, my triceps are not happy with me but the rest of me is ok. A little sore but nothing I can't handle. I will be honest and say I pushed harder while working out my arms than I did my legs. I went to spin (cycle) class Friday, Monday, and Wednesday so my quads, hamstrings, and gluts have been none too happy with me lately. So as I was mentally bashing myself for wasting an hour of my time and taking the old easy way out I was reminded of how far I've come.
When I first started working out, I had absolutely no muscles. No endurance, and forget strength. I was so sore I woke myself up rolling over at night. It hurt to laugh and so of course I found everything that week the most hilarious thing I had ever heard in my life. As I would shampoo my hair, I would wonder if I absolutely had to use my hands or if I could rub my head along the wall and accomplish the same results. Then I remembered who was responsible for washing my bathroom and how often it happened so hurting arms were raised and hands were used.
So then it occured to me that my second post should be how to start working out.
I started by committing 5 days a week, 30 minutes. I am still committed to that, but if I have nothing else going that day, I'll come the other 2. Just because I don't want to come home from work, turn on the tv, and look up 6 hours later to find it's time for bed.
I started on the recumbant bike. I kid you not - it's like a recliner that you sit on and peddle! The seat kind of inclines back and people! there are arm rests! Arm rests!! And at my gym they have tvs so all I had to do was find one in front of the tv show I wanted to watch and go to town. Some days I did a little more than 30 minutes just because I got caught up in the tv show. After a week I'd bump up the resistance by 2 then the week after 2 more bump ups. Until I got to about a 10 which is when I switched to the elliptical and took it the same way. Only I could go for about 5 minutes before I pretty much fell off the machine - so I did 25 minutes on the bike and finished my cardio. Worked my way up on minutes on the elliptical and whatever I couldn't finish on there I finished on the bike. Now if I forget to watch the clock, I can do an hour on the elliptical! Progress is good!
Now the trick is to switch it up. The less you weigh the harder it is to lose weight. I really don't like that rule. But you are moving around less body mass so it takes less energy to move. So you have to surprise your body. And have I mentioned I don't like surprises? I like my little comfort zone and doing what is easy. So tomorrow, new goal: switch up my cardio and get off the treadmill. After 2 months doing cardio that way it's time for a change. Happy workout everyone!
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Intro/background
My Name is Sarah Kretsinger. I am CPA - I work in the tax department of UPS. I'm 30 years old - I'll be 31 on September 25. I live in the Dallas Metroplex. Since people do tend to ask, I am single with no children.
I'm really very much a homebody. I love reading Christian novels, and watching movies. I recently found the Hallmark Channel and Hallmark Movie Channel......my dvr is still mad at me about that. My favorite type of movies are the screwball comedies from the 40's. I wanted to marry Cary Grant, Gregory Peck or Sean Connery when I grew up....until I realized they were all about 50 years older than me. So now I'm still waiting for Pierce Brosnan to find me.
I've always struggled with my weight in that I've always been overweight. I wasn't too much into sports. I did one summer of little league and decided that wasn't for me. I would rather curl up on the couch and escape into a good book. I was always one of the heavier people in my class. I think I went from small to XL without stopping in between. I remember when I was 12 my aunt gave me some hand-me down clothes she no longer wanted. Granted I grew height wise fast so we were the same height by that time, but it's still hard to admit I weighed the same as a grown up that had 3 children when I was just beginning the teenage stage.
By the time I graduated college, got my cpa license, and had time to breath and do other things I was over 300 pounds. I think my heaviest weight was 315. It was at that point that I gave up. I thought there is no going back from this, no way to fix it so why try. Eventually I decided enough was enough. The breaking point for me came Thanksgiving 2009 – I was celebrating Thanksgiving with my aunt and cousins. I was at the “kiddie” table with my cousins and moved slightly in my chair and there was this craaack and SNAP and somehow I went from sitting on this chair to laying on the chair on the ground. I was beyond embarrassed. If there was a video camera we could have one first place on America’s Home Videos – but then would have had to use the winning money to pay for my funeral. I just thank God no one laughed. But I was still humiliated. And I realized it was time for a change.
I knew it was time for exercise. I could no longer avoid it. However I didn’t want to join a gym because I thought everyone would be looking at the fat girl that was failing. So I was going to lose weight before I joined the gym (don’t ask me about that logic). So I asked my doctor about what diets might work and she only came back with weight loss surgery. I didn’t like that idea. I hadn’t tried it on my own yet – I can be stubborn and determined when I have to be.
So I asked my mom to pay for a year’s membership at the gym. Because as an extra incentive – I knew if I did not go to the gym after that my mom would get mad that I wasted her money. And I don’t like it when my mom is mad at me. She also paid for the first three personal training sessions because I had no clue what to do or how to do it so I knew I needed help.
I have paid for sessions after that because if I spend the money I will get my money’s worth. So they are definitely good incentive. Expensive incentive but well worth it. I don’t slack when I’m with the trainer.
I started slow. I did cardio pretty much every day - 30 minutes on the recumbent bike. The recumbent bike is the lazy man’s exercise machine so I loved it. It’s like sitting in a recliner and peddling your feet. However even with no resistance and no incline I was still sweating and out of breath at the end of the 30 minutes. Slowly over time I increased the resistence. Then I switched my cardio to the elliptical machine and worked my way up the incline and resistance. Now I mix it up between glider (I only do 20 minutes because it is still brutal) and the eliptical and treadmill. I do cardio 7 days a week for minimum 30 minutes - sometimes longer depending on how much time between when I get there and when class starts. Some weeks I get busy and do cardio 5 days a week.
I meet with a personal trainer once a week. And I do different classes - spin (cycle), LIFT, kickboxing, and zumba - 4 days a week. Sometimes I'll skip class and try and work out on my own. It just depends if I'm ready to be honest and push myself with weights and reps or if I want to exercise in a group.
It's still a little hard to get out of my comfort zone - I still think people are watching me and judging me as the fat girl but I know if they are watching me it's probably to see what I'm doing. Cause when I do cardio I watch to see what other people do in case I want to try it. I still have to push myself to try the new scary classes - I've been to boot camp Friday nights and hated every second of it, but you DEFINITELY feel like you've accomplished something when you make it through the entire hour. I’ve made it through one class and haven’t been back since, but I know I can make it through and that’s a great feeling.
So far I’ve shed 82 pounds and am working for about 80 more to be at the healthy weight for my height. I look forward to sharing my journey with others and I hope it encourages them to start or continue their own journey because we are not alone in our struggles. Like I said in my mission statement, I want this to be a place where I can share what I’m going through as well as other people share openly and honestly without fear of judgment. So if you have questions or comments please feel free to post them. Also I’m addicted to face book and plan on creating a page for this blog there so if you want to comment or ask a question there that’s good too.
I'm really very much a homebody. I love reading Christian novels, and watching movies. I recently found the Hallmark Channel and Hallmark Movie Channel......my dvr is still mad at me about that. My favorite type of movies are the screwball comedies from the 40's. I wanted to marry Cary Grant, Gregory Peck or Sean Connery when I grew up....until I realized they were all about 50 years older than me. So now I'm still waiting for Pierce Brosnan to find me.
I've always struggled with my weight in that I've always been overweight. I wasn't too much into sports. I did one summer of little league and decided that wasn't for me. I would rather curl up on the couch and escape into a good book. I was always one of the heavier people in my class. I think I went from small to XL without stopping in between. I remember when I was 12 my aunt gave me some hand-me down clothes she no longer wanted. Granted I grew height wise fast so we were the same height by that time, but it's still hard to admit I weighed the same as a grown up that had 3 children when I was just beginning the teenage stage.
By the time I graduated college, got my cpa license, and had time to breath and do other things I was over 300 pounds. I think my heaviest weight was 315. It was at that point that I gave up. I thought there is no going back from this, no way to fix it so why try. Eventually I decided enough was enough. The breaking point for me came Thanksgiving 2009 – I was celebrating Thanksgiving with my aunt and cousins. I was at the “kiddie” table with my cousins and moved slightly in my chair and there was this craaack and SNAP and somehow I went from sitting on this chair to laying on the chair on the ground. I was beyond embarrassed. If there was a video camera we could have one first place on America’s Home Videos – but then would have had to use the winning money to pay for my funeral. I just thank God no one laughed. But I was still humiliated. And I realized it was time for a change.
I knew it was time for exercise. I could no longer avoid it. However I didn’t want to join a gym because I thought everyone would be looking at the fat girl that was failing. So I was going to lose weight before I joined the gym (don’t ask me about that logic). So I asked my doctor about what diets might work and she only came back with weight loss surgery. I didn’t like that idea. I hadn’t tried it on my own yet – I can be stubborn and determined when I have to be.
So I asked my mom to pay for a year’s membership at the gym. Because as an extra incentive – I knew if I did not go to the gym after that my mom would get mad that I wasted her money. And I don’t like it when my mom is mad at me. She also paid for the first three personal training sessions because I had no clue what to do or how to do it so I knew I needed help.
I have paid for sessions after that because if I spend the money I will get my money’s worth. So they are definitely good incentive. Expensive incentive but well worth it. I don’t slack when I’m with the trainer.
I started slow. I did cardio pretty much every day - 30 minutes on the recumbent bike. The recumbent bike is the lazy man’s exercise machine so I loved it. It’s like sitting in a recliner and peddling your feet. However even with no resistance and no incline I was still sweating and out of breath at the end of the 30 minutes. Slowly over time I increased the resistence. Then I switched my cardio to the elliptical machine and worked my way up the incline and resistance. Now I mix it up between glider (I only do 20 minutes because it is still brutal) and the eliptical and treadmill. I do cardio 7 days a week for minimum 30 minutes - sometimes longer depending on how much time between when I get there and when class starts. Some weeks I get busy and do cardio 5 days a week.
I meet with a personal trainer once a week. And I do different classes - spin (cycle), LIFT, kickboxing, and zumba - 4 days a week. Sometimes I'll skip class and try and work out on my own. It just depends if I'm ready to be honest and push myself with weights and reps or if I want to exercise in a group.
It's still a little hard to get out of my comfort zone - I still think people are watching me and judging me as the fat girl but I know if they are watching me it's probably to see what I'm doing. Cause when I do cardio I watch to see what other people do in case I want to try it. I still have to push myself to try the new scary classes - I've been to boot camp Friday nights and hated every second of it, but you DEFINITELY feel like you've accomplished something when you make it through the entire hour. I’ve made it through one class and haven’t been back since, but I know I can make it through and that’s a great feeling.
So far I’ve shed 82 pounds and am working for about 80 more to be at the healthy weight for my height. I look forward to sharing my journey with others and I hope it encourages them to start or continue their own journey because we are not alone in our struggles. Like I said in my mission statement, I want this to be a place where I can share what I’m going through as well as other people share openly and honestly without fear of judgment. So if you have questions or comments please feel free to post them. Also I’m addicted to face book and plan on creating a page for this blog there so if you want to comment or ask a question there that’s good too.
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