Well Now What?

So the day is almost over. My birthday!!! And I made my goal! Which I give all credit to God, becuase I checked 4 days ago and I had 5 more pounds to reach my goal so I totally wasn't expecting to make it. But I did! Which is just the best feeling! I know, alot of exclamation points, but it is VERY exciting!!! I was asked when the last time I weighed this much was. And the answer is, I don't remember. I was already over 200 pounds when I graduated high school. But I weigh this much now. And I won't weigh this much for too much longer. Because honestly, I have more fat to lose. I think now I'm going to breath. I'm going to continue on working towards healthy.  And not feel guilty if I take a break now and then. Because let's face it, I'm working long term life changing and life maintaining here.

That being said, how did I celebrate this goal? I ate what I wanted. And the best part? I don't feel guilty! I feel very full, probably too full, and won't eat like this ever again but it was worth it. I had enough sweets that all my sweet teeth got their fill. And I had fun doing it. I felt alive and like I was living the life God made me for. Thank you for that - the best birthday present Father!!

Workout tip #2.19: Don't tell your trainer that you are going to eat badly on your birthday because he WILL work you out to make up for it.

Which is fine by me! I love that I'm sore enough from working out to remind myself how I got here, and what I get to go do again tomorrow. Have a safe and happy weekend!

Moving Forward - Food-Wise

I should start this by saying as a food addict, I find it highly ironic that now that I've changed my eating habits, I think more about food now than I did before I changed eating habits.  Because now I have to think out what I'm going to eat - will it be under a certain amount of calories? Will I get enough protein while keeping the fat content down? Is there too much sugar in this? 

Since my official weigh in for my deadline is on Friday I am thinking even more about food lately. Definitely thinking about calories - to make sure that I'm eating way less than I burn.  However, now that the deadline is looming I'm thinking ahead about how I can eat after the deadline.

I'm not going to be so strict on myself. I've decided I won't go crazy. But I'm also going to have a "treat" meal. Where I can indulge in a food without feeling guilt or shame.  I won't beat myself up and punish myself by doing an exta hour of cardio.  But I won't deny deny deny either. Because, let's face it, that creates the issue of being tired of being "good" and cravings that go out of control so that when you do give in you over eat.

So now all I can think of is what is my first meal? Where will I go? I want pizza! I want a hamburger and mushroom pizza. Or a green olive pizza. I want a cheeseburger. I want a Taco Bueno chicken quesadilla dipped in queso. I want Red Lobster cheddar biscuits. I want pretty much everything I haven't had in the past 9 months.  However if I give into those cravings I will definitely see the plus sign on the scale and that is no good. 

My final decision - be smart about it. If I go eat the fried food or the greasy pizza my tummy will not be happy. If I go to Red Lobster will I just limit myself to one of those yummy biscuits? NO. And I googled - there are about 160 calories in one of those suckers.  So I'll stay away from there.  But once a month as a treat I'll let myself eat what I want. Not as much as I used to.  The problem with me is I of course like to plan.  So I can prioritize where and what I want to eat first. I probably shouldn't because that makes food important, and it really shouldn't be.

But here is the plan - just so you can keep me honest, and I can stay honest - my birthday is this weekend. What do we as a family, and friends do to celebrate events? We eat!! Friday my friend is taking me to Saltgrass Steak House for a steak and salad.  Saturday I'm eating Chinese with my Mom. Already have it planned out. I'm getting chicken with cashew nuts, fried rice, egg roll, and maybe egg drop soup. And I'm NOT counting calories. And I've already told my trainer - with maybe a slight attitude cause his eyes got big and he leaned back and said that was fine, we all need a day off once in awhile.  And Sunday, I might stop by Buffalo Wild Wings for some Teryaki wings as my treat to me. I haven't decided for sure. We'll see how I feel after Friday and Saturday.

October's meal? It's going to be a weekend again - Tres Dias weekend. The weekend I escape to the lake to spend three glorious days with my Heavenly Father. And ALL the sister's He's given me.  And since it's a retreat, that means camp food, snack food, and junk food. So I'll take some healthy snacks, but I will be having biscuits and gravy and eggs and bacon for breakfast.  Just saying.

So just to reiterate - mostly to myself - now that the deadline of my birthday is pretty much here, it's time to look towards the next goal.  To maintain the healthy but be ok with indulgance.  Once in a while. In moderation.

Happy, healthy eating everyone!

Shopping - the new frontier

Alright, so I decided it was time to get clothes that fit. Clothes that actually touch my skin. Since winter is coming - even though this is Texas and it is totally hit and miss with winter weather - and I have no sweaters I figured now was a good time to get some clothes for the upcoming season. JcPenney's, Sears, and Kohl's are having good sales by the way (I got some sweaters for $16 that are normally $44 - which is how I justify having spent so much money).

I used to not like shopping. I didn't like looking at myself in the mirror period, so why would I want to look at myself in clothes that I went up a size or two in and that were made for skinny people but only had fabric added so they fit "plus" sized people very awkwardly?  It took way too much time to find what did look good on me. I'm one of those get in and get out people. Very anti-girl of me, I know. I don't like looking looking and never finding. It's a waste of time to me.

Yesterday however I spent 2.5 hours in JcPenney's. I kid you not. Which is a lot of time when you haven't had dinner and your tummy is growling at you and to hurry up. And why did it take so long? Because I had to go back for new sizes to try on! But the good news is I went DOWN in sizes! I got my sweaters in a medium! A MEDIUM!!!! I haven't been that size since middle school! And my pants - wait for it - are a size 16! That is six dresses sizes smaller than when I started! AND it's one size smaller than when I graduated high school!

A friends response? To say wow! what a change! Which is true. But I said you should see it from this side! It's exciting, new, and scary! The way I see myself HAS to change. I still see myself as huge. Do you know what I hate? I hate that if you ask me for my flaws I can give you a list as long as Santa's naughty and nice list in 5 minutes flat but if you ask me for a quality that I like about myself I need 5 minutes just to think of one.  That doesn't seem right to me.

So starting now, I am taking 2 minutes to look at myself after I don't like what I see to look past the first impression of bad and see something I do like.

Oh, and one more tip: Don't shop alone! Totally hard to celebrate without someone there.

Goals - do we need them?

Ok, my cycle instructor is definitely a pain in my butt tonight!! So I'm watching a movie, wincing everytime I move and so exhausted that I'm really not paying attention to the movie because I'm trying not to fall asleep.  And I'm slightly bored and wanting to change my status on facebook every five minutes just to see who will like the status and who will comment on the status.  Be honest, you know you have done that too!!

So that's when I decided maybe it's time to post my next blog.  So what's been on my mind lately? My goal. Honesty time - I now weigh 207 pounds! Since my documented peak was 315 and my official starting weight was 301 this is a huge accomplishment. I think I weighed this much when I graduated high school. The difference is that I'm in better shape now. I can see muscles that I know I've never had before. It's all very exciting!

I decided a few monthes ago that I wanted my weight to start with a 1 by my birthday.  Even if it's 199.9...but if it's less than that I won't complain.  September 25 is the deadline. 16 days from now. That's half a pound a day to lose. That means I have to eat 1,750 calories less than the amount of calories I burn every day. I love being an accountant but that's an overwhelming amount of math for me to do everyday. Just saying.

And then that stupid little voice inside my head says what if you don't make the goal? What will all that hard work have been for? You are going to fail!

But then I remember what my mom said when I told her my goal and worried then if I couldn't make it....she said what if you can??

So like other steps of faith with my Lord, I say I will go to the gym everyday. Do my best everyday. And give the Glory and results to God.  If I don't make the goal it will be ok. Life will continue. Gym will continue to be a daily thing. My family and friends won't love me any less - this is a direct order! And no one will be disappointed in me.  I will not be disappointed in myself (sounds good on paper but I promise to keep telling myself this and work on not feeling disappointed).  I will walk away knowing I gave my all and I did my part.

I will remember how far I've come. I will remember that there is more to come. I will remember that not one, not two but three ladies have told me they are going to buy me new pants that actually fit so they can see what size I really am.  And I will remember that I did not fail, I've succeeded in changing my life. And I will continue on that journey. I might go eat a skinny cow ice cream sandwich first but I will continue!

Gaining control of your eating

Have you ever seen the movie Confessions of a Shopaholic? Good movie! This is kind of like that except it's confessions of an food addict.  Before I gave my life to the Lord I tried to fill the emptiness inside me with food. I loved food. I loved the tastes and textures. I loved the little feeling of happiness it would bring.  Of course that feeling would eventually go away so I had to eat again to get that feeling back.  Thus begins the pattern of more eating and alot of eating. 

It's embarassing to admit but here was a typical Saturday meal plan for me: on Saturday morning's I'd sleep in and then make my way to What-a-burger where I'd get 2 taquitos with eggs cheese and potatoes with salsa and a large coke (which is 44 ounces). For a late lunch I'd probably go get a double cheeseburger with french fries and a sprite from McDonalds - the meal supersized of course.  Then for dinner I'd go get my most favorite meal of all. I'd go to Taco Bueno and get 2 chicken quesadillas with two sides of queso and salsa and a large tea. I love cheese - the way it melts and gets gooey. Don't get me started on pizza - when they burn the cheese a little so it's crispy on the outside and gooey in the middle. But I digress.  What is that calorie total?

What-a- burger taquitos with eggs cheese and potatoes - 420 calories each (840 total)
44 ounces of coca-cola - 528 calories
Salsa -15 calories each (60 calories total)
McDonald's double cheeseburger - 421 calories
McDonald's supersized fries - 570 calories
McDonld's suprsized soda - 310 calories
Taco Bueno Chicken Quesadilaa - 761 calories each (total 1522)
Taco Bueno queso - 279 each (558 total)
Salsa - 15 calories each (60 calories total)
Taco Bueno large tea - surprisingly zero - I drink unsweet tea.

So grand total number of caloric intake on a typical Saturday? 4,029.  In case you were unaware - one pound of fat weighs 3,500. I was burning the bare minimum of calories - because I usually just vegged out in front of the tv.  Did a little laundry. Got out to get the food but that was about it.  It is little wonder I weighed as much as I did and continued to gain.

Now to complicate things further, I'm an emotional eater. What do I do when I'm bored, upset, frustrated, depressed? I turn to food. That gooey cheese makes things better. Momentarily. But after I eat that little piece of happy I then feel guilty and ashamed. Now I think of all the hard work I put into my body to make it healthier and I get overwhelmed with the lie of guilt and shame.  Is that cookie going to make me gain all my weight back? No. But when I don't keep my head and go back for the second cookie plus the piece of cake that I don't really want and wasn't that good but eat it anyway, my tummy gets upset.  And I might gain one or two pounds. Which is going backwards and I am firmly against that. 

People have asked me how I've lost the weight - it's simple. Diet and excercise. I hate the word diet - I go on a diet and ALL I can think about is food. I think I gain weight on diets.  So I changed eating habits.

First tip: Eat breakfast. People say "oh, I don't eat breakfast, I just can't." It doesn't have to be a huge meal. It can be an apple and a cup of coffee. In fact, I have coffee with my breakfast - caffeine is an appetite supressent. But you know why they say breakfast is the most important meal of the day? It kick-starts your metabolism so you can start burning calories.

Second tip: Eat often. Six small meals a day - breakfast, morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack, dinner, and evening snack. It keeps your metabolism stable and up. It also prevents you from getting overly hungry. If I get hungry, I pretty much say forget this and over eat. Not only that, I go for the comfort foods I love. Which brings me back to square one of the guilt and shame cycle. It's best to avoid that.

Third tip: Don't go for the fad diets that tell you to not eat carbs and only eat protein.  Your body needs a little bit of fat to process vitamins. It needs carbohydrates....for whatever carbohydrates do.  I am a reader. So when I started working out I read about nutrition. I honestly can't remember what does what to which part of you. But I do remember that your body burns carbs first.  Carbs are ok to eat. The second thing it burns is fat. So a little fat is ok too.  A good ratio - 60% carbs, 20% fat, 20% protein.  Eventually you can lessen the fat and increase the protein. I usually try and keep it 10-15% fat and increase protein by 5-10%.

Fourth tip: Make food boring. I eat the same thing over and over again. My hope is that I will get used to it. The problem with that theory is when I do eat something with flavor, I go back into the old mode of this is good, must have more!  So this tip is still a work in progress.

Fifth tip: Find healthy alternatives. Be careful of the fat free items - sometimes they load up on sugar to help with the taste. That being said - my favorite snack is fat free cottage cheese with some kind of fruit.  Pineapple, strawberries and peaches are my favorite.  Fresh is the best, but if you have to get canned then go for the kind that are in 100% juice. NEVER the heavy syrup.  Also, I eat meal replacements sometimes. They are simple and easy - just open the bar and eat. Or put a scoop of powder in milk and drink.

I actually found some protein bars that taste like desserts. Today I was walking out of the gym and grabbed a white chocolate chip protein bar and a peanut butter candy cookie protein bar. They are about the same calorie count as a regular cookie. Actually about 60 calories more. But they have the same amount of fat and 12 grams of protein instead of the standard 2 grams. So they are more filling.  And I feel less guilty about eating them.  I also grabbed a brownie with Reese's peanut butter chips. That one was a little sweet for me, but there is just something about chocolate and peanut butter together. I liked it. I think it'll go in the once in a while as a treat category.

Don't feel like giving up your fast food? That's ok - stop supersizing it. Slowly cut back. Go from every day to 3 days a week. Then down to 1 day - make it on a Friday as an end of the week treat. Same with your daily sodas - cut back slowly.  Try a fruit as a snack instead of the vending machine.

Do you ever stop being an emotional eater? No. My first thought after I get upset is to go grab some chocolate or a quesadilla from Taco Bueno. But the fight against giving in gets a little bit easier as time goes by. Since I feel so guilty afterwards it makes it easier. That and the fact that I don't want to go back to old habits. I have worked hard and fought hard to get where I am today. And I still have a long way to go. But think of it this way - if I can do it, so can you!

Starting out

Ok. I don't know what a "normal" person's idea of a good workout is, but my idea of a good work out is when I limp away on the border line of sore and pain - teetering towards pain - drenched in sweat and all my muscles are screaming and cursing at me. Even the ones I didn't know I had until then. 

Today was not that day.

I walked calmly away. Shirt was damp but not sticking to me. Muscles were smiling at me. Complimenting me on a job well done but not screaming at me in pain. And I was mentally kicking myself for not pushing harder. Was this wrong? Does this mean I did not get a good workout?

As I sit here, my triceps are not happy with me but the rest of me is ok. A little sore but nothing I can't handle. I will be honest and say I pushed harder while working out my arms than I did my legs. I went to spin (cycle) class Friday, Monday, and Wednesday so my quads, hamstrings, and gluts have been none too happy with me lately.  So as I was mentally bashing myself for wasting an hour of my time and taking the old easy way out I was reminded of how far I've come.

When I first started working out, I had absolutely no muscles. No endurance, and forget strength.  I was so sore I woke myself up rolling over at night. It hurt to laugh and so of course I found everything that week the most hilarious thing I had ever heard in my life. As I would shampoo my hair, I would wonder if I absolutely had to use my hands or if I could rub my head along the wall and accomplish the same results. Then I remembered who was responsible for washing my bathroom and how often it happened so hurting arms were raised and hands were used.

So then it occured to me that my second post should be how to start working out.

I started by committing 5 days a week, 30 minutes.  I am still committed to that, but if I have nothing else going that day, I'll come the other 2. Just because I don't want to come home from work, turn on the tv, and look up 6 hours later to find it's time for bed. 

I started on the recumbant bike. I kid you not - it's like a recliner that you sit on and peddle! The seat kind of inclines back  and people! there are arm rests! Arm rests!!  And at my gym they have tvs so all I had to do was find one in front of the tv show I wanted to watch and go to town.  Some days I did a little more than 30 minutes just because I got caught up in the tv show. After a week I'd bump up the resistance by 2 then the week after 2 more bump ups.  Until I got to about a 10 which is when I switched to the elliptical and took it the same way. Only I could go for about 5 minutes before I pretty much fell off the machine - so I did 25 minutes on the bike and finished my cardio. Worked my way up on minutes on the elliptical and whatever I couldn't finish on there I finished on the bike.  Now if I forget to watch the clock, I can do an hour on the elliptical! Progress is good!

Now the trick is to switch it up. The less you weigh the harder it is to lose weight. I really don't like that rule. But you are moving around less body mass so it takes less energy to move. So you have to surprise your body. And have I mentioned I don't like surprises? I like my little comfort zone and doing what is easy.  So tomorrow, new goal: switch up my cardio and get off the treadmill. After 2 months doing cardio that way it's time for a change.  Happy workout everyone!