So. Today was my 1 year 11 month monthly weigh in and measurements. And this month hasn't been the best work out wise - there was a week I couldn't move off the couch. And I haven't been staying to eating healthy too well - I skipped the Halloween candy, but did eat cookies and split some other yummy foods. SO I wasn't expecting the best results ever, but was hoping for a small minor miracle. Not to be received - I gained 2 pounds and some inches. Is it the end of the world? No. Does it mean I'm sliding backwards and going back to where I used to be? No. In the grand scheme of things, 2 pounds isn't bad. I have to remind myself this is a lifestyle change. I also have to remind myself that my weight does not define me. But it's hard for me to remember that sometimes after years of low self esteem and high self hatred. I burned myself cooking my meat for the week this morning - and all this happened before noon. Interesting way to start the weekend. So I'm feeling the need to spell out who I am in order to remember who I am. Some of it you've seen before, because I put it as a facebook status, but it's a good place for me to start.
I'm not hot or gorgeous, I don't have an amazing figure or a flat stomach. I'm far from being considered a model but I'm ME. I eat food, I have curves, I love my flannel pj's, and I go without makeup. I'm random and crazy, I dont pretend to be someone I'm not. I snort when I laugh and cry at made for tv movies on the Hallmark Channel. I'm head over heels in love with my God, and am continually in awe that He loves me. I live at the gym 6 days a week, but I will take you down without a second thought to get to the last piece of chocolate. I speak without thinking sometimes, and tune you out if I get a little bored. I am fiercely loyal and aggressively dorky. I listen to music as loud as I can stand it on road trips, and secretly listen to Lady Gaga at the gym so I can have a beat. I adore my brother-in-law, and am so very proud of my sister for getting her degree and teaching me to stay strong in what you believe in because when you work hard for it, you can achieve anything. I have enough Bath and Body Works product in my closet to last at least three years, but refuse to buy a dvd unless it's $9.99 or less because I'm too stingy. I plan my vacation around Tres Dias weekends. I refuse to get a cat because that would make me the old maid spinster who is 12 cats away from being the crazy lady in apartent 2A. I believe God can do anything for anyone, but have a hard time believing He will do the same for me because I am so unworthy but live everyday doing my best to be worthy. And yes, I know I don't have to earn His love, so I am trying to accept it as the gift it is. I stop everything to watch While You Were Sleeping when it is on tv, even though I own the dvd and laugh at all the jokes no matter how many times I see it. I cry at the end of An Affair To Remember (the good one - with Cary Grant and Debra Kerr) no matter how many times I've seen it. And I watch the annual marathon of Christmas Story every year. I never miss an episode of The Big Bang Theory or Chuck. I love to write in my calendar so much that I use pencil so that it looks nice even when plans change. If it's not negotiable and can not change it goes in via pen. I've been known to search for my cell phone and/or keys for a solid 20 minutes before I realize one or both of them have been in my hand the entire time. My heart melts when I see an older couple who have been married forever holding hands as they walk, and think driving around looking at Christmas lights would the most romantic date a guy could take me on. Speaking of dates, I haven't been on a date in 8 years, but I really don't like the idea of joining an online site because I don't want to pay to meet someone. I am terrified of change. A good hair day will boost my self esteem 110%. Don't talk to me until I've had my second cup of coffee if you expect me to understand anything you say to me or make any sense what so ever when I talk to you. I prefer the old classic movies to the newer made movies - especially if they have Cary Grant, Audrey Hepburn, or Jack Lemmon in them. I believe Sophia Loren has only gotten more beautiful with age. I think "Don't Worry, Be Happy" is a bossy song and it gets on my nerves. I don't understand the fascination with Tinker Bell because if you think about what she did to Wendy, she's a jealous murderess. I refuse to watch any of the Twilight movies, but I'll watch Despicable Me three times in a row and laugh just as hard the third time as the first time I ever saw it. I will say yes the second Tom Selleck asks me to marry him. I miss my grandfather calling me every year on my birthday even when I was at work to sing Happy Birthday to me. I ate fat free frozen yogurt every day this summer when it was 110 degrees outside, and am lazy enough about cleaning up my car that there are still melted cd cases in the back seat. I demand pefection from myself the first time every time because I hate failure, but cut others a little bit of slack. You have to tell me your name three times before I remember it, and I always put important things where they will be safe and not forget it.....and then forget where my safe place is. I love the romance of knights and shining armor and ladies in their gorgeous gowns and proper etiquette but no longer wish I'd been born in that era after realizing I'd have to give up indoor plumbing. My dream car is a blue VW bug. And I haven't eaten at Red Lobster in over 2 years because I could eat a whole basket of those cheddar biscuits by myself. I miss those days when I ate whatever I wanted without thought to calories. But I do feel so much better that I'm good with counting calories. I will laugh if you trip in front of me but then I will help you up and make sure you are ok. I trip enough that you can laugh at me. I love to sing God's praises even though sometimes I'm no where near a good pitch for human ears, but I'm singing to God so they can get over it. I share too much but can keep a secret for someone else. I can do math as long as I have a calculator and can not spell. At all. I tend to get caught up in the small details, and will worry about something until somehow it becomes a minor crisis. My absolutely favorite quote that I believes sums everything up is by Audrey Hepburn: "I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles. Let's face it, a nice creamy chocolate cake does a lot for a lot of people; it does for me"
So that is me. Kind of helped put things in perspective actually. My identity is not tied into my weight. And numbers do not constitute success or failure.
